Breaking the Habits That Limit Your Success
© 2011 Carol James, Founder of InspiredLiving.com

I find that there is little difference between creating money, self-love, rewarding relationships, fulfilling work or any other thing I can imagine. The key is not in what I want, rather in how I feel about what I want.

Things that come easily and quickly to me are things that I don’t resist or feel anxious about how or when I will have them. I allow them to enter my experience in their own way and in their own time.

No matter what I desire to create, the path is always the same: Resonate with having and I get it; resonate with not having and I don't get it (at least not in the way I wanted or expected it). When I catch myself feeling or thinking any of the following, it's a good bet that I am resonating with not having:

• Feeling anxious.
• Feeling nervous.
• Worrying of any kind.
• Fretting over details.
• Doubting that I deserve it.
• Wondering when it will come.
• Wondering IF it will come.
• Fearing that it won't come on time.
• Fearing that it won't come at all.
• Fearing what will happen if it doesn't come.
• Freaking out about the consequences of not having it.
• Feeling panicky, depressed or fearful.
• Feeling tired, exhausted or frustrated.

What do I do when I find myself caught in any of these negative habits of thought? Here are 7 ways that I use to transform the situation:

Don’t beat myself up. I remind myself that negative chatter is merely an old, worn out habit that just needs to be transformed. No big deal. I've transformed other undesirable habits in my life and this is no different. If I feel bad about myself, I just add to the negative chatter.

Catch myself in the act. If I can catch myself thinking negatively while I am having those thoughts and change my thoughts to more empowering ones, then all the better because that stops the negative chatter in its tracks. Of course, having a strong desire to be more optimistic and lots of persistence makes the shift easier.

Find a replacement habit. If I don't want to think negatively, what do I want? Most likely, to think positively, so that's an easy place to start. I create an Appreciation Journal, writing about everything I appreciate, exciting miracles that happened and things that have touched my heart. Anytime I catch myself thinking negatively, I whip out my Appreciation Journal and reread the entries I've made. That pivots my thoughts quickly and easily. And while I'm at it, I add a few new entries to my journal. Of course, any other replacement habit will do as long as it promotes health and well-being.

Shift my perspective. I know that thinking about what I don't want is powerless to give me what I do want, so it is important to shift my thoughts toward what I want. That means using language that accurately describes what I want. For instance, there is a huge difference between saying, "I don’t want to be sick anymore." and saying "I want to be healthy." The former focuses on sickness while the latter focuses on health.

Take time to identify the deeper need lying behind the thoughts. For instance, my negative thinking often carries a deeper fear of feeling unlovable or not being good enough or afraid of being rejected for making a mistake, so I ask myself why I believe that’s true. For example, if I catch myself feeling that I am not good enough, I ask myself, "Why not? What evidence have I gathered to prove that I am not good enough? And does everyone in the entire world think I am not good enough? And so what if I am not good enough to please SOME people? Who cares about what those people think anyway because if they are so judgmental and critical, I don't want them in my life anyway. Have I ever been good enough? And who said I was? And what does it really mean to be good enough? Good enough for what? What am I prevented from doing or being if I am considered not good enough? And who started this distorted and fearful game of accusing people of not being good enough? And how must I change my way of looking at myself and others to reverse this habit? How do people who feel they are good enough think, feel, speak and behave? What values and ideas do they believe in? What would it take for me to feel like I was good enough?"

Be determined and persistent. Breaking any undesirable habit requires that I be diligent in catching myself in action doing the undesirable behavior (putting myself down) and replacing that old habit with a new habit (appreciating all that I have and am). I build up my determination by creating a list of reasons why I want to transform the undesirable habit, listing everything I will gain and the benefits I will receive, and I use that list in moments of weakness when the old habit is tempting me.

Lighten up. This is no big deal. So what if I found a bad habit in my repertoire of behaviors? Isn't it great that I've found it and can now transform it? I sure am glad that I didn't have to live with the habit for another 5 or more years. Plus I've revealed and transformed another layer of distorted beliefs that have been clogging up my happiness. Besides, it feels great each time I catch myself in an old pattern because I know that each discovery brings me closer to revealing and expressing my full potential. Afterall, that's what life is all about, isn't it?

The goods news is that by breaking the habits that limit my success, the easier and easier it gets to achieve all my dreams.

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