Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds
flat.
You know stuff about military tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one
suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you
blind.
You can go to the bathroom without a support
group.
You don't have to learn to spell a new last
name.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act
of thoughtfulness.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
If someone forgets to invite you to
something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original
color.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the
passenger's seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don't have to clean your apartment if
the meter reader is coming.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy
for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."
Same work - more pay.
Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
Wedding dress - $2,000. Tuxedo rental - 75
bucks.
You don't mooch off other's desserts.
You can drop by to see a friend without
having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the
same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you
with "So, notice anything different?"
You are not expected to know the names of
more than five colors.
You don't have to stop and think of which
way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in
public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your
clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe
decades.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
At least a few belches are expected and
tolerated.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color,
all seasons.
You can "do" your nails with a
pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning
growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for
25 relatives, on
December 24th, in 45 minutes.
