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Lawyer Laughs: Stupid Things Said in Court

These are things people actually said in court:

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.

Q: What year?
A: Every year.

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Q: This myasthenia gravis-does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.

Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.

Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

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Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

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Q: How old is your son--the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

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Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

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Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

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Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo occult?
A: We both do.

Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.

Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

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Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.

Q: And what were you doing at that time?

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Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.

Q: How many were boys?
A: None.

Q: Were there any girls?

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Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.

Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

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Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, sir.

Q: And you took your new wife?

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Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

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Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Q: Was this a male, or a female?

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Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

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Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Miscellaneous questions asked by wise attorneys:

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

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Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

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Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

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Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

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Q: Did he kill you?

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Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

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Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

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Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

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