 | I believe you should live each day as if it is your
last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash
clothes on the last day of their life? --Age 15 |
 | Give me the strength to change the things I can, the
grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. --Age 13 |
 | It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the
president's birthday, like they do for the queen. Of course, then we would have a lot of
people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long
weekends. --Age 8 |
 | For centuries, people thought the moon was made of
green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's
what happens to cheese when you leave it out. --Age 6 |
 | My young brother asked me what happens after we die.
I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should
have told him the truth -- that most of us go to hell and burn eternally -- but I didn't
want to upset him. --Age 10 |
 | I gaze at the brilliant full moon. The same one, I
think to myself, at which Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato gazed. Suddenly, I imagine they
appear beside me. I tell Socrates about the national debate over one's right to die and
wonder at the constancy of the human condition. I tell Plato that I live in the country
that has come the closest to Utopia, and I show him a copy of the Constitution. I tell
Aristotle that we have found many more than four basic elements and I show him a periodic
table. I get a box of kitchen matches and strike one. They gasp with wonder. We spend the
rest of the night lighting farts. - -Age15 |
 | I like to go down to the dog pound and pretend that
I've found my dog. Then I tell them to kill it anyway because I already gave away all of
his stuff. Dog people sure don't have a sense of humor. --Age 14 |
 | As you make your way through this hectic world of
ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of
days saved up. --Age 7 |
 | Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and
thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number. --Age 15 |
 | It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got
into an accident. No, wait. That would be good because if anyone needed it, the blood
would be right there. --Age 5 |
 | Once, I wept for I had no shoes. Then I came upon a
man who had no feet. So I took his shoes. I mean, it's not like he really needed them,
right? --Age 15 |
 | If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and
visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the
looting started. --Age 15 |