Mottos to Live By

(Author Unknown)

  • If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
  • A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
  • Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
  • For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
  • He who hesitates is probably right.
  • Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
  • No one is listening until you make a mistake.
  • Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
  • The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
  • The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
  • The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
  • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
  • To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
  • Two wrongs are only the beginning.
  • You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
  • The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
  • Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
  • The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
  • A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  • Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.
  • Don't sweat petty things....or pet sweaty things.
  • A fool and his money are soon partying.
  • Money can't buy love. But it CAN rent a very close imitation.
  • Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
  • Always try to be modest. And be damn proud of it!
  • If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
  • How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hands....
  • I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
  • Everybody repeat after me....."We are all individuals."
  • Death to all fanatics!
  • Guests who kill talk show hosts .. On the last Geraldo.
  • Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
  • Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.
  • Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
  • Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.
  • Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.
  • Beware of geeks bearing gifts.
  • Half the people you know are below average.
  • 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
  • 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
  • A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
  • If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

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